Possessed
by Murphy8370
Summary: Sam becomes possessed on a hunt for a demon that kills only women, on the hunt he impregants Jocelyn, another character, while under the influence of the demon. WARNING: This contains elements that may not be suitable for all ages. Thank you.
1. Demons

"Damn!" Jocelyn said as she smudged her make-up for what seemed the hundredth time today. "Why must I torture myself with this crap?" she muttered

From her spot in the bathroom she could hear the faint swish of the hotel room's front door opening and closing and the shuffle of feet on the cheap carpet. Bending over Jocelyn straightened the knee length flirty brown skirt she had put on for the express reason of distracting the sheriff while Dean snuck into the police files. She twisted her hips briefly to see how the skirt moved when she moved, it swirled around her knees and clung to her hips in a only slightly provocative way.

"Dean? Sam? Is that you?" she called out

No answer, more shuffling of feet in the supposed living area of the small hotel room.

"How was the hunt?" She said

Again, no answer. A whisper of worry swept through her, she considered that maybe they just couldn't hear her but it was more likely that one of them was hurt and the other was looking for a med kit. Jocelyn walked to the bathroom door and opened it an inch, outside she saw Sam pacing the living room, blood spatter stained the front of his white shirt. Fear trickled down her spine. Jocelyn opened the door further and poked her head out.

"Is everything okay, Sam?"

He looked at her, his green eyes glistening. She frowned as his lip lifted into a warm smile. His aura flickered with brown and black, usually meaning hate, pain and confusion.

"Sam?"

"Everything's fine." He said in a strangely plasticized voice

"Where's Dean?"

"He's around." He said evasively

"Where, Sam?" She said in a more commanding voice, his smile became malicious

Suddenly, Jocelyn was struck with a strong vibe. She took a step back into the bathroom, his smile became a frown as he stepped towards the bathroom, she took another step into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. She heard the heavy footsteps of Sam's boots walking to the bathroom door, being a psychic she could feel the anger of the demon's rage as his hand touched the same surface she was now leaning against. Pain ripped through her. She turned to the door and locked it removing her hands from the door, the pain stopped. Jocelyn heard Sam's voice through the door.

"Jocelyn."

She closed her eyes against the entreating sound in his voice. She heard the doorknob jiggle and then the sound of splintering wood as the Demon slammed Sam's body into the door of the bathroom. Minutes passed without a sound, the Demon slammed his body into the door again, the third time the lock broke and the door swung open.

"Jocelyn." He said again, striding closer to her

Jocelyn backed up into a corner, her body pressed against the yellow of the bathroom walls, Sam smiled at her and put his hands on either side of her head, his bare muscled forearms trapping her. She closed her eyes and tried to find Dean.

"No, No, No." Sam's voice said to her. "We're not going to have any of that."

She felt strong hands gripping her shoulders. In her mind she saw Dean lying on the ground, she knew that the Demon was influencing her thoughts and disrupting her psychic powers. She tapped into Sam's thoughts briefly, she felt confusion and resistance to her and the Demon but at least she knew that Sam was safe for the time being. Fatigue swept through her.

"It takes a lot to feel, to see, doesn't it?" He said with a smile in his voice

Jocelyn found it hard to stand; she felt her knees beginning to buckle as the Demon drank her energy. His hands trapped her body against the wall once more, his face coming closer to hers, she could smell Beer on his breathe from the bar.

"I'm going to hurt you, and then I'm going to hurt them."

Anger flared through her, her connection to Sam still strong but for how long she couldn't know. In her mind she told Sam to break the connection, her body became weaker as the connection lasted she heard Sam's voice, weak and broken up. Sam's face was so close to hers she had to turn away from him, she felt his hand touch her face and force it back to look at his. His mouth curved into a smile and he came close to her and pressed his lips against hers, he ground his mouth against hers so his teeth clicked against hers.

Jocelyn placed her hands on his chest and tried to push but the Demon was stronger than her, forcing his body against hers, crushing her against the wall. Jocelyn fought him but she felt her body getting weaker, her mind becoming foggy as the connection became less distinct. Sam's mind clung to hers, fighting to keep her awake. She told him to let her go, she would find him. Sam's body was pulling her skirt up, ripping her shirt open to reveal her lacy black bra, she felt calloused hands race over her stomach, like red hot knives. She felt the roughness of his jeans on her legs as he forced her up against his body, her body felt limp as his hands forced her hips against his own.

"Sam." She said weakly

"He's not here anymore."

TBC


	2. The Black

"Run!"

A clear thought burst through her weakness, Sam's voice, the real Sam, rang through her and she felt a burst of energy, she slammed her body against him, sending Sam's body off balance so he crashed into the bathtub. In blind fear she stumbled into the kitchenette, tears blurred her vision as she gets to the door and fiddles with the locks, behind her she could hear the Demon getting up, her heart raced faster, she could feel her strength leaving her as Sam broke the connection finally.

"What am I going to do with you, Joce?" the Demon tsked.

"Help!" she yelled and clawed at the locks.

The door opened but before she could escape Sam's hand slammed the door shut and pinned her to the door, her cheek grazed the imitation wood door, Jocelyn couldn't breathe for Sam's hand had slapped over her mouth and nose.

"Will I have to pin you down?" he whispered in her ear and Jocelyn felt his fingers in her hair, he jerked her head back against his chest and forced her back from the wall, his hand still covering her mouth. "Or will I take you from behind?"

Jocelyn gagged and her lungs burned, she felt her strength leaving her slowly until she could no longer fight the Demon, she felt paralyzed, trapped inside her body, for she could still feel, and hear and see what the Demon was doing to her. A spike of relief flooded through her as Sam's hand lifted away from her mouth and a fresh breathe of air filled her lungs, but didn't last long as the Demon threw her on the back, her stomach on the bed with knees on the floor.

She tried to no avail to lift her arms, her head, her legs, anything so that she might escape, Sam moved away from her and took rope from the kitchen table, then returned, standing behind her. He gripped each of her wrists and tied them behind her back, knotting them tightly the kneeling behind her.

"I killed him, you know. Dean, that is. Murdered him with Sam's two hands." She heard his laugh. "Wrapped my hands around his throat and choked the life out of him very slowly."

She thought of Dean lying on the ground, limp, bloody and bruised, fear flashed through her and she felt Sam's body pushing up against her bottom. He is going to rape me, she thought suddenly, wondering why she hadn't thought of that before.

Jocelyn slammed her eyes shut as Sam pulled her skirt up from behind, touching her bottom, sliding his hands down her thighs and calves then returning to the flimsy black lace that covered her. A sob escaped her as he ripped them from her body, he touched her womanhood, sliding one long finger inside of her body.

"You're so tight." She heard him moan. "This is gonna hurt."

Tears slid down her cheeks, she heard the rustle of Sam's jeans dropping to the floor.

"Soon, my dear." He said and slid another finger inside of her.

Pain flashed through her and she thought she would scream, she felt numb, her body separating from her mind, she seemed to be floating just above Sam and her, she swallowed convulsively as he thrust into her. She screamed in pain, felt Sam turn her head into the bed, she screamed and cried harder, her body came to instant awareness, every nerves overly stimulated with fear. Jocelyn sobbed into the coverlet, taking in as much oxygen as she could through the soft blanket, she body exploded again in pain as he pulled back and thrust into her again. Finally, wonderfully, Jocelyn passed out, the black surrounding her.

"Joce! Wake up! Please!" someone was calling her, it sounded a lot like Sam

It couldn't be Sam though, Sam was gone, so was Dean, a stab of grief forced her deeper into the comforting darkness.

"Please, Joce." Dean's voice now.

"No." she whimpered.

She felt hands on her body, her legs, her arms, her chest, everywhere and suddenly she was trapped in the nightmare of Sam, thrusting, the pain. She cried out and fought the hands that gripped her, touched her, she batted the hands away, tears slid down her cheeks. They were gone. She thought about Dean and Sam and how good they had been to her.

"Joce, you need to wake up." Bobby? What would Bobby be here for?

Suddenly Jocelyn felt light, she realized that someone was picking her up.

"We need to get her to a hospital, immediately, she's bleeding pretty badly. Sam, stop that! We need your help!"

Warm arms closed around her. "It's okay, Joce, no one is going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry, so sorry." Sam's voice "Please, forgive me."

"Sam! So help me God, if you don't get your ass over here and try to stem the bleeding, I am going to kill you. Jocelyn needs your help."

"I c-c-can't." he stuttered. "I d-d-did that to h-h-her."

"No, you didn't. The Demon did." Dean yelled.

"Dean, please." She groaned.

"Joce!" All three cried.

"Help, Sam." She moaned.

She heard footfalls then heard someone grunting, Sam was being picked up.

"Can't you see she needs you boy?" Bobby yelled.

"Joce." He whispered and kissed her forehead. "I d-d-didn't mean too."

"Demon… you… didn't… do…. Anything."

"Save your strength, we're going to the hospital."

Dean carried her to the car, anger and fear pulsing in his veins, when he'd stumbled in and seen Sam holding Joce, her body bloodied and unconscious, he's been so scared that he'd been too late. Dean looked down at her and felt a tear slide down his cheek.

"Don't worry, Dean. They'll survive."

"I know."

He thought briefly of Sam as he tucked her into the car, on his lap, Bobby crawled into the driver's seat and peeled out of the motel driveway, Sam was still back at the hotel, curled up on one of the beds.

"Dean, He didn't do it." She said

"We know. It's okay, Sam was possessed long before he came to you, he knocked me out and then went after you."

A stab of pain and guilt burned in his gut.

"We're going to find the demon, we're going to kill it."

He looked back down at her and saw that she had fallen back asleep.

"Don't worry." He crooned to her. "Everything's gonna be just fine. You'll see."

TBC

Did you enjoy? I know it's kind of strange and a little sick for some tastes.

Review me whether you liked it or not.


	3. Past Experiences

"Dean?" Sam's voice came through the haze of fear and anger, for Joce, and for Sam as well.

Dean looked up and the saw the anguish, the self-hatred in his eyes, he couldn't stand to see Sam or Joce this way.

"Sam…" he started but he could already feel the limp in his throat.

"Is she okay? Will she be okay?"

"She's fine, they said…. The injuries weren't critical, nor permanently damaging, they were superficial." Dean choked on the word, superficial.

"This is all my fault." Pain filled every word.

"No! This is not your fault!" Dean almost yelled. "This is a demon's fault, it hurt her, and it hurt you."

"Dean…"

"No, Sam."

A/N: Some of you said that you wanted to know a little bit about the past. Here's a little background.

_9 Months ago_

Something was wrong, she could feel it in the air, electricity crackled and thunder rolled, wet raindrops stung her hot skin, Jocelyn could sense that Megan was in danger.

"Megan!" she called, no answer. "Megan! Where are you?!"

Her fear and worry grew with every step into the dense woods behind the newest victim of the Yellow Eyed Demon, it was almost time and Megan was no where in sight. Jocelyn looked at the watch on her wrist, it read 2:58. 3:00 a.m. it would attack and they would have their chance to kill it, once and for all.

Twenty-Five years ago had been their first experience with the Yellow Eyed Demon, neither remembered that night, mostly because they had both been infants, twin infants, that was also the night their parents had died. Rage still boiled under the surface when she thought about it, she tamped down the feeling and concentrated on finding Megan.

Flickers of images passed behind her eyes, Jocelyn closed her eyes and concentrated, she saw two people, their bodies and faces were blurred and distorted but Jocelyn could tell that one was Megan and she was afraid. A message came through, clear to Jocelyn.

'She's mine.'

Jocelyn fought down the fear that threatened to swallow her, Jocelyn ran into the woods, following the message and image.

"Megan!" She cried, tears began to course down her cheeks. "Megan!"

She ran as fast as she could into the woods, avoiding low slung branches and rocks that littered the path, fear blossomed in her chest, her lungs burned and her muscles ached but she didn't stop running until she ran directly into a very tall, lanky object that immediately closed its arms around her.

"No! Let me go!" She fought the figure. "I have to find Megan! Megan!"

"What the hell?" the figure spoke.

"Let me go! Let me go!" she yelled.

"Sam? What's going on?"

"Someone just ran into me."

"Megan!"

"She's looking for someone."

"No, couldn't tell." The other said sarcastically. "What's your name?" he said, addressing her.

"Jocelyn! Please, you need to help me find my sister."

"Where is she?"

"Somewhere in these woods, with a…." she stopped talking and continued struggling.

"With a what?" the first man said.

"Just let me go!"

"She's with a what?"

"A Demon!" she yelled

The arms that held her released and she dashed off into the woods, she could hear the men behind her, running to catch up… or to follow.

"Wait!" One of the men called. "Jocelyn!"

She didn't slow down, kept running until she reached an open field, no one was in sight, she turned around and looked at the men following her.

"She was here! I can feel it!"

"Megan?" one of them said.

"Yes!" She yelled and looked at them. "Why did you follow me?"

"Demon." The shorter one said simply.

"I have no time to explain." She said and tried to get past them back into the woods.

This time the shorter one caught her and lifted her several inches off the ground.

"Wait up!" he said and put her feet back on the ground but not removing his hands. "You don't have to explain, we already know."

"You do?" he said

"Demon hunters."

Jocelyn looked at them and blinked. "I have no time for this! We have to find Megan!"

"Wait!" the taller one yelled. "Name's Sam, we have 1 minute to get back to the house and save whoever may be in that house. This is my brother Dean. After we finish with that then we will find your sister."

"No! We have to find her now! She's one of the psychics!"

"House first." The man named Dean said and dragged her back to the house, moving as fast as possible.

Jocelyn stopped fighting and eventually ran on her own towards the house, a short period passed as they broke through the trees and ran to the house. Dean slammed on the back door, no answer, he slammed again and yelled, no answer, all three backed up and watched as Dean and Sam slammed their bodies against the door, it broke after a second try and the door crashed to the floor inside the house. A few seconds of eerie silence passed inside the house before Jocelyn could gain her wits and go inside, inside the house was quiet and calm but Jocelyn knew what was going on. She could feel the demon upstairs, moving around, she could sense the fear of someone upstairs, none of them wished to waste any more time, Jocelyn dashed up the stairs first taking them two at a time.

"Is anyone here?" Dean called behind her.

Jocelyn didn't wait to catch her breathe but burst into the second room on the left, a black shadowy figure stood over a tall white crib, he didn't seem to be hurting the child or touching the child, merely watching it.

"Jocelyn." The figure said.

"Where's Megan?" she demanded.

"No worries, she's safe."

"Tell me where she is!"

The figure hadn't turned around to look at her but continued to show her its back.

"Don't hurt them." Jocelyn's voice wavered as she realized that there was more than one child in the crib.

"They're just like you and Megan, twins."

Jocelyn stepped forward and reached out, Sam and Dean crammed in the doorway, a droplet of blood splattered on her hand, confused Jocelyn looked up and screamed. A woman was pasted on the ceiling, her mouth was open, her eyes blank in death, a long gash bisected her waist, blood dripped from the wound. Fire raged out from where the body lay on the ceiling, enveloping the room in heat and fire, Jocelyn looked by to the demon had once stood, he had disappeared yet again.

Two baby's cries slashed through her anger, fear, grief and confusion, but Jocelyn couldn't move, she was paralyzed for a moment, someone was trying to make a psychic connection, to send her a message.

'She's mine.' The voice in her head said again.

TBC

I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I tried to make it as interesting as possible for you. Review me when you can. Thanks!


	4. Forgive and Forget

_Present time_

"Mr. Jostyn?" a doctor's voice cut through the groggy haze, dimly Dean realized the doctor was talking to him.

"Yes? Is Jocelyn okay?"

"Yes, she's fine, but I was wondering if you wanted me to call the police."

'Police? Why would he want to call the police?' Dean thought. Suddenly the memories crashed over him, his head felt heavy, his chest felt empty except for the steady beating of his heart, guilt washed over him.

"No." he said finally. "You can ask her if you want, but I think she already knows."

"Sir…"

"Why are you asking me?!" Dean finally exploded.

"Because your wife is catatonic." The man's voice was calm.

"What the hell does the mean? Is it serious?"

"It means she unresponsive to people, she won't talk or eat but she has brainwaves and she can still breathe."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Just talk to her, have your brother talk to her."

"Fine." He said and stalked away, he could hear Sam's boot steps behind him.

"Sam, you are not going in there."

"What…. Why?"

"Just stay here." The answer came out as a breathy sigh.

Dean walked into the room and saw her, she lay so still on the sterile white sheets with a thin white quilt covering her up to her underarms, her light brown hair fanned out over the white pillow. Large blue eyes looked at the ceiling, they were so empty as he looked into them, broken, he touched her cheek, feeling the soft warmth in his palm, he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on her smooth forehead. Jocelyn was so childlike as she lay on the bed, her body seemed smaller and more delicate.

"I was too late, too for you and for Sam. I betrayed you but from now I will protect you, I will find the Demon that did this too you and I promise I will kill it. I have to protect you."

Her eyelids didn't even flutter as she lay there. "I'm so sorry." Dean said, tears filling his eyes.

Dean stayed with her for most of the night, holding her hand and talking to her, gently reminding her of her dreams and wishes, telling her stories and laughing quietly, he stayed until dawn broke through the night and split through the breaks in the blinds. Her eyes closed and he could tell that she was sleeping, he watched her for a while longer before leaving the room, he spoke briefly to the doctor and to Bobby and Sam then left the hospital. He needed to be alone for a while, he needed to think without looking at Sam or Jocelyn. He arrived back at the hotel and the familiar anger of arriving late boiled his blood, he couldn't look at the place without being reminded of his arrival the night before.

He got out of the car before he could convince himself not to, he was in the hotel before he could remind himself how horrible it was to be here. Once Dean stepped over the threshold of that room he couldn't control it, calmly he shut the door and dropped the keys to the shaggy stained carpet, the rage that had been building for the last night forced it's way to the forefront and before he could stop himself, he put a hole through the spindly coffee table with his foot, with unnatural strength he picked the table up and threw it against the wall, it splintered and shattered. Next came the quilt, now stained with blood, Jocelyn's blood, he tore the fabric in half, relishing in the sound, pieces fluttered to the ground. A cry of rage poured from his heart erupted from his mouth, he pounded against the wall, punching it until his hand bled and throbbed with pain, red stained his vision as he continued to destroy the hotel room.

When Dean finally came to, he was in his car watching the hotel room that he, his brother and Jocelyn had stayed in burn, Dean could feel the heat and watched the red and orange flames lick the walls. The keys were solid and cool in his bleeding hand but he didn't want to leave until all the evidence of treachery could be burned along with the room. It was time to leave. Time to go back to Jocelyn, time to forgive and forget although Dean knew he never would, never forgive himself, never forget.

When Dean returned to the hospital, Jocelyn was still in the same condition, she still wouldn't speak to anyone, wouldn't eat without help, wouldn't look at anyone. The look in Sam's eyes was more than Dean could bear.

_Sam_

How could he have done something like this? How could he have hurt his friend? He had no idea, the memories were so fresh in his mind, what really sickened him was that a part of him had enjoyed it. He shivered and tried to shake off the feeling. Dean was coming, Sam lifted his head and looked at his brother, cold emptiness filled those smoky depths.

"Dean?" he asked.

Dean didn't look at him as he spoke. "Anything different?"

"No."

"Get something to eat."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, now go."

"Yes, sir." He said, reverting to an unnatural obedience.

Dean didn't say anything as he sat down next to him, Sam wasn't sure if Dean really wanted him to go, he didn't want to go, he didn't want to eat or breathe for that matter. Death seemed better than the empty pitying stares and the hollow dead silence that followed him, the screams of pain and anguish that cried inside his head.

"We're gonna get through this." Dean said.

"We always do."

"Just like Dad."

"Or Jess."

"Or Mom." They said at the same time.

"I never really got to know her." Dean said.

"I don't remember a lot, but I do remember that she was the best. She was…. beautiful."

"Yea."

Sam tried to remember a time when he was happy, even when he was with Jess things were…. awkward, like when he always locked the doors and windows even in the middle of summer. She never would have understood.


	5. A Long Way Home

_Jocelyn_

"Come on Joce!" It was Megan, her voice was as clear as a bell.

She could see her as well, dressed in pink shorts and a white tank, she couldn't have been more than 13 or 14, she looked so happy as she was poised on the verge of running.

"Wait! Megan!" she called.

"Come on, Joce!"

Megan wanted her to leave the shelter of the woods. "No Megan, I can't."

"Let's go home, don't you want to come home?"

"I can't leave Megan, I can't."

"Don't you want to go home, Joce?"

"I want to go home, but I can't leave."

"Why?"

"There's a monster."

"Monster?"

"Yea."

Megan frowned and came closer, Jocelyn almost cried she was real.

"I'm afraid, Megan."

"I'll be here with you, peanut." Megan said, Jocelyn smiled as she remember the nickname their mother had given her. "So will Dean and Sam."

Jocelyn frowned. "No, they're dead." The grief was more than she can take, she walked deeper into the woods.

"What do you mean?"

"Dead, gone, forever."

"Nothing is forever."

Jocelyn's heart broke all over again, memories flashed over her.

"No Megan! Stop it!"

"Come with me, Joce."

"I can't. I can't."

"I need you, Sam needs you, Dean needs you."

"No…. no….. no…." she cried out.

"Please, Jocelyn." The voice was fading.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me!" she yelled. "_I need you!" _

"Come home." The voice called.

Tears coursed down her cheeks, her head ached, suddenly so many emotions, pain, grief, sorrow, hate, love ripped through her, she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Jocelyn was stuck in her own worst nightmare.

_He was here. Calling out to her. _

"_You can't hide forever." _

The memories washed over her.

"_Will I have to pin you down?" he whispered in her ear and Jocelyn felt his fingers in her hair, he jerked her head back against his chest and forced her back from the wall, his hand still covering her mouth. "Or will I take you from behind?"_

_Jocelyn gagged and her lungs burned, she felt her strength leaving her slowly until she could no longer fight the Demon, she felt paralyzed, trapped inside her body, for she could still feel, and hear and see what the Demon was doing to her. A spike of relief flooded through her as Sam's hand lifted away from her mouth and a fresh breathe of air filled her lungs, but didn't last long as the Demon threw her on the back, her stomach on the bed with knees on the floor._

"No!" She screamed. "No!"

"Come home! Follow me!"

The memories were so intense, she could almost hear his voice in her ear.

"_I killed him, you know. Dean, that is. Murdered him with Sam's two hands." She heard his laugh. "Wrapped my hands around his throat and choked the life out of him very slowly."_

The screams ripped out of her body, from her throat, from her lungs.

_Pain flashed through her and she thought she would scream, she felt numb, her body separating from her mind, she seemed to be floating just above Sam and her, she swallowed convulsively as he thrust into her. She screamed in pain, felt Sam turn her head into the bed, she screamed and cried harder, her body came to instant awareness, every nerves overly stimulated with fear. Jocelyn sobbed into the coverlet, taking in as much oxygen as she could through the soft blanket, she body exploded again in pain as he pulled back and thrust into her again. Finally, wonderfully, Jocelyn passed out, the black surrounding her._

Jocelyn ran towards Megan's voice, she covered her eyes, covered her ears, even as tears ran down her cheeks, blinding her as she ran.

"It's a long way home." The voice said.

"So long."

_Sam_

Had he really heard that? Had he really heard her voice as he had walked into the room? She cried out, Dean woke up from his vigil and looked at her, her face was covered in a sheen of sweat, her heart rate was off the charts and doctors were beginning to bustle in. Sam got closer, he sat on the bed looking at her, her head tossed and turned, her body twisted then suddenly she shot up in bed and wrapped her long arms around Sam.

Tears flowed from her eyes onto Sam.

"Oh Sam." She cried. "Where's Dean? I need to see him."

"I'm right here." He said sheepishly.

"Dean!" She cried and then wrapped her arms around him. "I thought you were dead. I thought you were both dead."

"We're here, no worries, you're home."

"No…. a long way to home."

"We missed you. You have no idea. The last 2 weeks have been horrible without you."

"Two weeks?"

"You've been catatonic since the…."

"Yea." She said, not wanting him to finish, knowing how difficult it must be. "A long way to home."


	6. Broken

It was difficult adjusting to this new atmosphere, the boys, they seemed to walking on eggshells every time she said something or walked into a room, whenever she started to say something about the hotel, or the fire or anything they would tense up and become uncharacteristically close mouthed. What was particularly difficult was that she couldn't look at a man without remembering the pain, she couldn't have one touch her or flirt with her without her body cringing in fear, it was hard. Jocelyn hated that she couldn't talk to them about her nightmares or help with their hunt, they were afraid, she wanted to be hugged and held at night but found that all they did was wake her up and stay at a safe distance.

"Dean?" she asked.

"Yea?"

"Any leads?"

"Don't worry about it Joce, just relax."

"I don't need to relax anymore today, I've been "relaxing" all week. I want to help."

"We don't need help, but if we do, we'll ask for it."

She felt helpless and useless when he said this, it felt as though she didn't matter to him or to Sam anymore, ever since that night they hadn't been able to look her in the eye or talk to her for longer than a few seconds. She felt like it was her fault, that she had somehow provoked their distance from her, she felt dirty and cold as Dean continued researching on the computer.

"I need something to do."

"Lay down, get some rest."

"I don't need rest anymore."

"We'll…."

"Handle it, I know."

Dean didn't look up as he talked to her, tears welled in her eyes and threatened to spill over onto her cheeks, she turned away and looked at the wall, putting her hand over her mouth so she wouldn't cry. She heard the scrape of a chair sliding over the floor and bootsteps coming closer.

"What's the matter?" worry laced his voice.

"Nothing." She tried to say.

"Jocelyn…" he started.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked him suddenly.

"Wrong?"

"Neither of you will talk to me, you won't look at me while we're talking, you won't even touch me!"

"I don't want to hurt you…" The door opened and Sam came inside, he looked at the two of them.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay, Joce?" he came over then stepped back, realizing how close he was.

"Everything's fine." She said in a steady voice then walked off to the bedroom section of the small hotel.

_Sam_

He wished he didn't have to do this to her, keep so far away, not touch her, not look at her. It was difficult not to gather her into his arms each night after a nightmare, but he knew he would be making it worse if he touched her, talked to her, she would remember all the horrible things he had done to her. He felt guilty when he looked in her eyes, when he touched her, no matter how brief.

He'd fallen even deeper when he had walked in on the two of them together, guilt and pain were palpable on the air, his breathe came in short and his heart raced. When he looked in the mirror he was pale and his eyes held a strange cast, broken and lost, for some reason he felt like he was drowning.

"They hate you." He said into the mirror.

"I don't hate you." Jocelyn said from the door, he hadn't noticed that she'd opened the door.

"Joce…"

"No. Don't." She looked away.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop it!" She yelled. "Just stop it!"

Her eyes were beseeching as they stared up into his, fresh pain and humiliation crashed through him, he wished he could escape the pain he saw reflected there, wished he could run away or turn back time and make things right.

"I want to make things right." He said gently, slowly.

"I do too."

"I want to forget."

"I can't."

Sam winced, Jocelyn looked away.

"It wasn't you." She said.

"It was."

"You tried to save me."

"It wasn't good enough."

"It was enough."

"You didn't escape."

"It doesn't matter."

His heart tripped, he looked away as she got closer. "Why won't you look at me?"

He didn't look at her and heard her leave the doorway, relief trickled through him. It wasn't fair that she had to face his demons, she had to stare them in the eyes he was terrified of what she'd think, what she'd do.

They were both broken, shattered and somehow, someway, they would find a way to mend the pieces.


	7. Look at Me

"So…. Where are we off to now?" Jocelyn said jovially.

"Oklahoma." Dean said in a grim voice.

"Oklahoma." She repeated, trying to keep the boys talking.

Jocelyn hated the silence that lengthened between the three of them, Dean and Sam in the front seat and Jocelyn in the back.

"Is everything okay?" her voice was cheerful.

"Yea." Sam answered this time and lapsed back into silence.

"How long do you think it'll be before we get there?"

"Couple hours."

'_So much for a meaningful conversation.'_ She thought, rolling her eyes. Jocelyn wondered what was going through the minds as they watched the road disappearing beneath the car.

"Can you, at least, turn on the radio since neither of you are going to talk to me?"

"Sure." Sam leaned forward and pushed the tape into the cassette player with a click, the sounds of Keri Noble filled the car, normally Dean and Jocelyn would have fought about what kind of music they would listen into the car, Dean would have said Metallica and Jocelyn would have said Mindy Smith.

Now neither of them wanted to joke, or talk to her, they didn't want to look her in the eye.

_Look at me  
Look into my eyes  
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?  
Or has the world got you down on your knees?  
Come to me  
_

They arrived in Oklahoma late that night, Jocelyn felt stiff from sitting in the backseat so long, gingerly she stretched, lifting her long arms and standing on her tip toes, she sighed contently and smiled. Dean and Sam were staring at her strangely.

"What?"

"Nothing." They both said at the same time, then Dean piped up. "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore and stiff, otherwise fine." She shrugged and gestured for the booth at the front of the hotel. "Mind getting us a room?"

They looked startled. "Of course."

Dean went to the booth and began talking to the man inside, money was exchanged and a key was placed into Dean's palm.

"Sam?"

Sam didn't look at her as he spoke. "Yea?"

"You know what happened wasn't your fault."

"Yea." He sounded unconvinced.

"I just want to get back to normal."

"Me too."

Impulsively Jocelyn hugged Sam, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling tight so that her left cheek touched his chest, Sam seemed surprised at first then laid a hand on her shoulder. A tear rolled from her cheek to her jaw as she held him.

"I'll keep you safe, Sammy." She said softly.

Jocelyn pulled away when Dean came close then hugged him as well.

"I'm fine." She said, smiling.

Dean smiled and nodded, then gestured for them to enter the hotel room.

_Look at you  
Look into your heart  
Tell me is there room for you to make a brand new start?  
Or has the world gotten to you and made you dark?  
Come to me_

Jocelyn entered the room and sighed, a strange fear crept into her chest, it felt heavy and was hot inside her body, gently she placed a hand on her chest and took a deep breath. She felt Dean's hands settle on her shoulders gingerly.

"It's going to be okay." She said, closing her eyes for a moment and counting to three.

Dean and Sam followed her into the room, carrying carious bags, Sam carried hers in at his insistence.

"I can't wait to start!" she said happily.

"You need rest." Dean said sternly and pointed to one of the beds.

"I can't sleep now! I need to do something, I need to…." She stopped.

"What?"

A strange queasiness came over her, she looked at Dean and Sam feeling the color leach out of her face, she placed a hand on her mouth and the other on her stomach before hunching over and running to the bathroom.

"Jocelyn?!" Dean yelled.

She made it just in time to feel the contents of her stomach leaving her body, she trembled with each heave until nothing was left in her stomach, her body shook and her heart pounded in her chest. Her throat was sore and her mouth tasted horrible.

"Dean…" she said weakly.

Dean ran in and knelt next to her. "What's the matter?"

"Sam ran in next, but stayed at the doorway."

Dean's hands were wrapped around her waist and he hefted her up. "Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong."

"Stop! I'm fine."

"You are not fine! You just threw up!" Sam exclaimed.

"Let go of me." She ordered. "Go get me some water."

Dean looked hesitant to leave. "Sam, go get water." He ordered.

"Dean, seriously."

"Shhhhh." He rubbed her back and held back her hair.

Her body was shaking, she was sure her face was red and splotchy, her emotions rose to the surface in waves, first she felt the irrational fear then panic and then sadness, a sob escaped her throat.

"It's okay." Dean rested her head on his chest, wrapping his arms around her.

"Sam! Where's that water?"

"Right here." Sam's face was solemn.

"Come here."

"Dean, I don't…"

"Come here!" he ordered.

Sam stepped into the bathroom, knelt on the floor and handed Dean the glass.

"Here you go."

Jocelyn resisted, but Dean was insistent, he placed the cup to her lips and forced them apart, tipping the cup upward a cold rush of liquid poured into her mouth, Jocelyn sputtered a moment then drank greedily. Dean stood and swept her up, holding her close to his chest.

"Everything's going to be okay." Dean whispered.

He laid her on the bed, took the glass and wrapped her in a blanket.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"No, sleep."

Her eyes closed. Dean turned around the face Sam.

"We need to talk."

"Yea."

Dean walked to the door and opened it, ushering Sam outside, once they were inside Dean spoke.

"We need to find this thing, until then I want us to take watches, I want to be sure she'll be safe."

"I c-can't." Sam said brokenly.

"What are you talking about? Of course you can."

"No." Sam whispered.

"You better snap out of this, Sammy. We need to protect Joce. She got hurt… hell both of you got hurt, I don't want to lose either of you. You got that?"

"I hurt her."

"No!" Dean smacked the side of Sam's head. "No, you didn't."

"Dean…"

"No. You take first watch."

Dean stormed back into the hotel, allowing Sam to decide what he would do, Sam followed his head hung low, his heart in his eyes. Dean could tell he was hurting but he had no idea how to fix it.

_'Cuz when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away  
and when you laugh, who you think got you that way?  
And when you dream, when you wake up, is it me you want to see?_

The nightmares came later that night, resurfacing the fear that Jocelyn felt, she could see him so clearly, could feel the pain so clearly through her nightmare.

"No!" she screamed.

Sam was jerked to awareness, for a moment he thought that she might have called out but when he looked at her he saw that she was sleeping.

"Must have been a dream."

Sam looked at her.

"No!" she screamed again and this time he knew it was real.

Sam raced to the side of the bed and yanked the covers down, Jocelyn squirmed in his arms as he struggled to wake her up.

"Joce! Wake up!"

She screamed and the sound went straight to his heart, he knew what she was dreaming about and knew that he had to wake her up soon.

"Hun, you need to wake up! It's just a nightmare."

Jocelyn could hear his voice calling out to her, distorted in the night mare, she could feel him so clearly she could have sworn he was really touching her, his voice was so clear.

"Stop!" she screamed.

Something was binding her to the bed, she could feel arms wrapped around her, stopping her moments all together. Jocelyn awoke with a scream, her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her heart was racing inside of her chest and her breathing came out in ragged pants.

"Sam!" she yelled and shot up into his chest. "Don't go! Don't leave me!"

"I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly. "Never."

"Don't leave me." She cried. "Please."

"Don't worry." He crooned.

"

Don't ignore me anymore, I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to be, it's my fault."

Jocelyn sobbed into his shoulder. "I thought I had done something wrong."

"Never." He whispered.

"What's going on?" Dean asked from the room next door.

"Everything's fine, she had a nightmare."

Dean looked at Sam questioningly. "You okay, Joce?"

"Yea, thank god Sam was here."

Dean smiled and left the room, Sam looked at her. "You need to get some sleep."

"Sleep next to me?" she asked.

"I don't think…"

"I promise I won't take advantage of you." She joked.

"Oh, well, when you put it that way." He joked back.

"Please, don't leave me alone."

He looked uncertain for a moment. "Only until you fall asleep."

"Only until I fall asleep." She agreed then patted the space next to her.

Sam laid on the top cover next to her and wrapped an uncertain arm around you, underneath his hand she felt warm and soft, Sam blocked out the thought and concentrated on lulling her to sleep. Soon he found himself falling asleep as well.

"Good night, Sam."

Sam was fast asleep.


	8. Is it Possible?

The next morning Jocelyn woke with Sam's arm tucked under her chest, warmth radiating from his body behind her, she snuggled closer and sighed, finally Sam was beginning to forgive himself, even if he didn't know it. Jocelyn opened her eyes and adjusted to the dim light that slipped through the slats in the blinds and slashed across the room. Sam shifted behind her and rubbed his cheek against her hair, his breathe whispered across her neck, Jocelyn shivered and pushed any painful memories away. Suddenly she felt a wave of nausea come over her, her stomach roiled, she pressed a palm to her stomach as if to calm it. Inside her mouth felt fuzzy and her tongue felt swollen, Jocelyn sat up quickly and threw aside the covers, moving as quickly as she could she went into the bathroom and threw up the contents of her stomach.

Jocelyn closed her eyes when her stomach finally emptied and all that was left was the painful dry heaves that racked her body, behind her she heard Sam in the doorway, his eyes watching her back.

"Joce?" he asked in a concerned voice. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." She said, gasping for breath.

"Do you need anything?"

"Water if you don't mind."

She heard his feet as he moved away, she sat there in front of the toilet, feeling her body become somewhat more calm, Jocelyn didn't move as she sat there. Her thoughts turned immediately to her surroundings, she could feel the fear encroaching.

"Here's your water." Sam said when he came back.

"Thanks."

"Want me to call Dean?"

"For what? I just threw up, probably a stomach bug."

"He would want to know."

"Since when?"

She realized immediately what she had said. "Oh, god, Sam I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay, don't worry." His voice was strained.

"I really didn't mean to." She looked at him.

Jocelyn almost cried when she saw his face, his features were drawn tight across the bones of her face, he looked pale and his eyes were dull as they stared back at her. He hadn't eaten much since they had left the hospital almost 3 weeks ago, neither had Dean for that matter and she couldn't help but think that it was her fault.

"Go ahead and get Dean." She said in a soft voice, Jocelyn knew it would make Sam feel better if Dean knew.

He nodded, didn't speak but nodded at her curtly before turning away and leaving the hotel room completely, Jocelyn sat there, the glass curled in her palm, suddenly she needed something stronger than water from the tap, she needed spirits (alcohol). She stood and waited for a moment, gripping the counter for balance while her head spun, slowly and with infinite care she stumbled to the fridge and pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. First she ran the cold bottle across her forehead, feeling cold rivulets of water slide over the hot skin of her face. Her eyes hurt and her face felt sore, the horrible taste of puke still lingered in her mouth.

"Jocelyn?" Dean called from the front door, his voice warm and concerned.

"In the kitchen." She turned to the sink and stared out the tiny window.

"Are you okay?" he came into the kitchen and stood next to her.

"Yea, fine, just felt a little sick."

"Everything okay?" Dean looked to Sam who had just entered the kitchen.

"Yea, fine." She answered and took a deep pull from the colored bottle.

The vinegary taste of whiskey slid over her tongue and numbed her senses as she swished it in her mouth, the liquid burned a path down her throat into her stomach where it curled and eased the muscular discomfort.

"You really shouldn't drink that."

"Water wasn't enough." She said, tossing the bottle back again.

"You should be seeing a doctor."

"What for?"

"You could be pregnant."

The word hung in the air, no one spoke once Dean had said it, she could tell he wished he hadn't but it was one of those things that had to be said, she could very well be pregnant.

"Pregnant?" she whispered.

"Pregnant?" Sam said right after her.

Dean blushed and looked down at his boots, it was the first time that Jocelyn had ever seen him speechless.

"You can't be sure…" she said. "This…. Sickness…. Could be nothing more than a stomach bug, or the flu."

"Or it could be a baby."

The room was suddenly very tense, memories flashed inside her head, was it possible? Could be pregnant after what had happened? Thoughts rushed around inside her head, whispers of denials and excuses danced on the forefront.

"I don't know." She said and backed away from the counter towards them. "Could it be?"

"We should check it out…" Dean said, still not meeting her eyes.

Jocelyn wrapped her arms around herself and considered it, she hadn't had her period yet but she assumed it was from all the stress she had been put through and it didn't necessarily mean that she was pregnant. A baby. Funny she had never thought about it much before that even after what had happened with Sam and the Demon something like that could happen.

"Yea… soon." She said noncommittally.

"C'mon, let's get something to eat." Dean said, trying to impose a note of cheerfulness into a situation that was anything but.

"Yea." Sam said, smiling hesitantly.

"Okay." She held a palm to her stomach.

"A light breakfast." Dean amended.


	9. It's Your Baby

"Will you cut it out?" Jocelyn growled at the boys.

For the past week the boys had gone out of there to be nice, they were puppies, eager to please and completely annoying. Every time she went to leave the car one of the boys would open it, every time she went to step on the curb one of them was holding her hand and every time she tried to tell them to stop they would just get worse.

"It's dangerous around here." Sam said, trying to convince her to allow him to hold her hand.

"It's dangerous every where!"

Dean cupped a hand on her shoulder. "You should be more careful."

"Stop it!" she turned to face them. "You really need to stop it. I might be pregnant. _Might._ Just because I _might _be pregnant doesn't mean you should attach yourself to me. I'm fine."

"But…"

"Would you have done this a couple of months ago, before what happened?"

"I don't…"

"Answer the question." She demanded.

"I don't know." Sam hung his head low and Dean frowned.

"Now, I'm going into the hospital to get checked, I want to be sure but I don't want you with me." Sam looked momentarily sad. "Not just you, Sam. Neither of you."

"Hey…" Dean started.

"No! Go sit in the car for Christ's sake!" she yelled, drawing the attention of several people.

Dean and Sam stayed behind as Jocelyn turned to face the hospital, it loomed, tall and white, almost blinding her, sunlight glinted off the wide bay windows of each room and danced on the pavement a head of her. Frustrated, she stormed away from Dean and Sam and got to the door before she felt a twinge of guilt, she probably shouldn't have yelled at them they were only looking out for her health. Looking back only once, she waved to the boys and strolled through the double glass doors that had electronically opened to admit her. It was deathly quiet, mostly because this was the lobby and not the emergency room, nurses dressed in colorful scrubs strolled with carts while doctors examined charts. It seemed like a scene from E.R. She walked over to the nurse's station and looked down at the overweight blonde sitting behind the counter, the woman was looking at her computer, her glasses slightly askew on her round face, her brows knit together in concentration. It was obvious that the woman was either ignoring her, or didn't know she was there, Jocelyn was betting on the latter.

"Excuse me?" she said tentatively.

"Yea." The woman's voice was gruff and rubbed her already shot nerves.

"I have an appointment?"

"What doctor?"

"Dr…" she looked at the slip of paper in her hand. "…Hasreal?"

The nurse looked at her clock and grunted, she waved her hand down the hall to the left. "He's the second to last room on the right."

"Thank you."

The woman grunted and went back to staring at the screen of her computer, somehow this whole thing didn't seem real, like it was a dream and she was slowly moving through the fog. But it was real and Jocelyn was feeling the every slightest twinge of regret, Sam should be here, he should be here to know about his baby, suddenly she wished that his hand was there. Trembling, she walked away from the nurse's station towards the end of the hallway her legs felt like rubber though and eventually she had to sit on one of the rubber and plastic covered chairs. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number. Sam answered on the third ring.

"I need you in here…" she whispered.

"Jocelyn? Are you okay?"

"No… yes…. No, I need you to come and be with me." She said, her voice shaking.

"Okay, I'm coming in right now, where are you?"

"Left after the nurse's station with the frumpy woman."

"Is everything okay?"

"I don't know."

"I'll see you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay."

Jocelyn was shaking now, it was like the fog of her fantasy had faded, leaving cold hard reality in it's place, she had been raped and now she was having his baby and on top of that Sam was all of that. No…. Sam didn't rape her, Sam tried to help her, it was the demon who had raped her. Her heart was a dull thud in her chest, her face was pale and drawn when Sam came over and knelt in front of her, he placed a hand on her face, curving it to her cheek. His face was concerned.

"Joce? Are you okay?"

"It's your baby." She said softly.

"You're pregnant?"

"I don't know. But you're right, if you are it'll be my baby, are you okay with that?"

"Yea, it wasn't your fault."

"Joce, do you want to come in with you?"

"Yes."

"Where is it?"

"That door."

Jocelyn pointed to the door diagonally across from them, it was slightly ajar and they could see that someone was walking around inside.

"C'mon." he said and took her hands.

They felt warm in her hands, comforting and calloused, lightly she squeezed his hands as he led her towards the door, he stopped just before the door and turned to her.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yea."

Sam leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, she shook and leaned into his embrace, tentatively he wrapped his arms around her and waited while she took her comfort.

"I think I'm ready."

"Okay." He whispered and opened the door.

The room was sparsely furnished with the usual counter covered in jars filled with various things, a large, narrow bed covered in white paper and two chairs, the wallpaper was a dull pink with faded roses and vines and magazines were screwed the wall. It seemed to exude Sparta and accomplished at further lowering her spirits.

"Ms. Duboi?" the man inside the room said.

"Yes?"

"Are you ready to begin your examination?"

She smiled steadily. "Yes."

He peered at the chart. "You're here for a pregnancy test?"

"Yea." She replied, holding Sam's hand tight in her own.

"Okay, so just go sit down on the table and your… friend can sit in the chair there, we'll begin the exam in a little."

"Thank you." She said softly.

_30 Minutes later (I just want to get to the results) _

Jocelyn felt horrible, the examination had been a test of her ability to keep from crying, several times she had felt like she could break down and cry, especially when he touched her or smiled her in that infuriating way. But he was gone now and she was alone with Sam, his hand still wrapped warmly around her own but she could tell he was tense and nervous.

"Are you scared?"

She hesitated before answering. "Yes."

"I can't imagine." He whispered to himself.

"Everything will be okay, I swear."

Sam leaned forward in his chair and looked at Jocelyn full on in the eyes, he stroked the inside of her wrist with his thumb, feeling the cold skin and madly beating pulse, her eyes were filled with dull fear and frustration. Sam suddenly felt the irrepressible urge to kiss her, when her vulnerability was full on and she couldn't fight him. _What the hell? Where did that come from?_ Visions of her sweet lips filled his mind, memories of that night and brought him to full awareness, ripping up the wounds that Sam had sown shut.

"Ma'am?" the doctor opened the door with a click.

"Yes?" Jocelyn turned away.

"I have your results, would you like them now?"

"Yes, please."

The doctor entered the room and took a seat on the gray roller chair, peered at the chart and looked up at them.

TBC!

I really hope you liked this chapter, so keep reviewing my lovlies!

A real cliffhanger, eh?


	10. Rejection and Situation

Pregnant.

Jocelyn froze, her eyes glazed over as she stared at a flower pasted onto the wallpaper of the wall. Never before had she considered having children, first with her career and then with the visions starting it didn't seem like a palpable idea, but here she was, a woman with a tiny miracle growing inside her womb. Folding her shaking hands in her lap she pressed a palm to her abdomen and looked at Sam, he looked pale and tense, his lips almost white, for a moment she feared he would faint.

"Congratulations!" the doctor cheered.

"Thank you." She said, very calmly. "May be have a moment?" her voice was anything but jubilant.

"Of course!" the doctor said with a false smile.

She waited a long time, let the news absorb itself into her, oddly she didn't feel upset or victimized, she felt…. Happy, almost like she knew everything was going to be alright.

"Sam? Honey?" she said, trying to coax him from his tense silence.

He looked up, his glassy hazel eyes empty and lifeless. "You're having a baby."

"No, Sam." He looked at her puzzled. "_We're_ having a baby."

He paled more, tension stretched the skin over the fine bones of his face giving it a gaunt look, carefully she took one of his big hands into hers and squeezed, they were cold and slightly clammy but they closed over hers with steely strength that gave her some faith.

"Sam?"

"I'm sor…" he started to say before she held up a hand.

"Don't you dare." There was a menacing, hard tone to her voice.

"What….?"

"No." she shook her head, her anger evident. "Don't apologize, please."

Sam frowned. "Don't you ever apologize for this. If you're sorry about what happened between us, it means that you regret that the baby was conceived. No child deserves to be put down for the circumstances of his or her birth especially from his father." Jocelyn shoved him hard in the chest. "I won't bring a child up like that."

"I didn't…"

"Don't be sorry for what happened. A miracle happened from something awful." Sam winced. "I didn't mean it that way and you know it. I was never your fault but this is still your child so you had better buck up and start acting like a father to be."

Sam ran his hand through his hair. "So we're having a baby."

"Yup." Jocelyn beamed.

"A baby." The words rolled over his tongue, sounding foreign to him. "Baby."

"Yeah." Laughter tinged her voice. "A baby."

Suddenly Jocelyn threw her arms around Sam's neck and without thinking pressed her lips against Sam's, electricity flared out between them and tingled all of her nerve endings, time seemed to slow and Sam did nothing but stand there in stunned surprise. She pulled away feeling a little dejected and more than a little rejected, her arms fell away from him and she turned away from him, blushing fiercely.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you." Then to herself she said. "It's alright Jocelyn, you've dealt with rejection before."

Sam touched her shoulder, hesitantly resting the warmth of his hand on the curve and pulling her around so that she face him, his face was flushed and no longer pale but it had a strange hard edge to it.

"I didn't reject you." He said in a hard voice. "I just don't want to hurt you."

Jocelyn faltered. "Then…."

She never got to finish her sentence though before Sam's lips were on hers again, this time it was her turn to stand in shocked silence, silk seemed to slide over her body, wrapping tendrils around her. Her breath stalled in her chest, his hands slid over her hips slowly, pulling her closer and she didn't hesitate but wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt alive, with sparks of electricity that stemmed from the contact of their lips.

"Sam." She said breathlessly.

"I'm sorry if I mauled you a little." He traced a finger over her lips in contrition.

"That was…. Fantastic!" she said with a smile.

Sam smiled a little, but his eyes still held the lost little boy look, like he was stuck in an never-ending cycle of self-recrimination, it made her a little upset but she didn't say anything. It was better to keep feeling the wonderful sensations then make Sam, the Sam from before, move away, she needed to warmth of him right now. Jocelyn need to feel like nothing had happened.

"Why don't we go back out to the car?" he said with a concerned tone.

"Okay." Happy she walked over to the door with a spring in her step.

They made it out to the car in twenty minutes, a companionable silence assailing them, everything was peaceful and was starting to calm, when they got there Jocelyn saw that Dean was leaning negligently against the hood of the car, his face impassive but she knew better, he was tense. He looked at them intently, his eyes searching her face for the answer.

"Are you okay? What did the doctor say? Are you pregnant? You look a little flushed. Maybe you should sit down."

The words flew out of his mouth and stained the air but it didn't ruin the companionable feelings that Sam and her were feeling.

"Which one would you like me to answer first?" she said with a wide smile.

"All of them." He said in a worried voice.

"I'm fine. The doctor said I was fine. Yes, I'm pregnant and I don't need to sit down."

Dean face paled. "Pregnant."

He said it the exact same way that Jocelyn had been thinking it. "Yes."

Sam opened the door to the passenger side and looked at her. "Front or back?"

"Back."

Dean seemed to be speechless, he stared at the two of them like they had grown extra heads, Jocelyn gave him a big smile and lowered her head to get into the back seat of the Impala. Dean mechanically got into the front seat driver's seat and raised an eyebrow.

"So….. is it a boy or girl?"

"Don't know."

"What are you going to name it?"

"I dunno, Sammy what do you think?"

Sam shrugged. "No Idea."

TBC

Can't wait to write the rest but Dean's got to get his hot ass together….


	11. Demons and Babies

Five Months Later

Five months had passed since Jocelyn had found out she was pregnant, in five months she had grown closer to the brothers than ever before, but Sam was holding back, the haunted look in his eyes broke her heart over and over, the self-hatred and inner violence troubled her. Dean of course had dropped into the role of uncle pretty quickly, already buying things the baby might need even though he had no idea what the gender of the baby was. He was exuberant about touching her stomach or placing his ear to her belly, and the delight on his face almost washed away the guilt she was feeling.

"Dean!" she sighed, his hand spanning the baby bulge in the front of her shirt while he was making odd noises. "This baby is going to hate you if you keep doing that."

He looked at her, his eyes bright. "It moved!"

She sighed again, exasperated and waiting impatiently for Sam to come back with her pickles. "I know…. Dean, my belly doesn't have ears!" she exclaimed.

She crossed her arms, sitting in one of the oak chairs in the tidy, and very homey little kitchenette next to the bedroom, sunlight streamed through a clean window onto the table, highlighting the bright yellow in sunflower sitting in a glass vase. Sam had bought it, knowing it was her favorite flower and had set it on the table to warm the room up, next to the vase was a little basinet figurine from Dean he had found in a pawn shop. Little by little the boys were changing, Dean stopped going to bars all the time, Sam stayed home to do research with her, letting her help in the search but not in the actually hunt of any demons they came across. At night they would eat a small cooked meal that all of them prepared and laugh like a family, but even with the feeling of home there was still an underlying tension.

Jocelyn wondered if the baby was doing this to them, making them change who they are for her, she wondered if Sam or Dean was angry at her and sometimes at night she would fall prey to the nightmares. Guilt, anger and grief forced the memories to the surface, so the bubbled up and poured out of her, unanswered questions made it hard to think.

"So what do want for breakfast?" Dean asked, pulling his hand away.

"I want my god-damned pickles." She growled.

Dean laughed, tilting his head slightly back. "Sammy should be back soon, no worries, how about some bacon? Or Eggs? Or maybe a blueberry muffin?"

"Muffin?" she perked up at the mention of her favorite flavor.

"You want one?"

"Give it over." She demanded, holding her hand out.

"Alright then." He gave her a look of mock fear before handing her a soft, spongy blueberry muffin.

She bit into it and savored the sweet flavor for a minute, holding out her hand to catch the small crumbles that tumbled down, over the top she watched Dean move around the room, walking into the bathroom just as Sam walked through the front door.

"Oh good! My pickles!"

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his long dark hair. "These early morning pickle runs have got to stop."

Jocelyn stood up and waddled over to Sam, taking the small jar of Bread and butter pickles from him, she kissed his cheek and hugged him. "My hero."

He rolled his eyes and stepped further into the room, he turned a questioning eye to the bathroom door as the hiss of water began, Jocelyn shivered uncomfortably as she always did when someone was in there.

"Dean." She said, clarifying.

He nodded and stepped around her in the kitchen, seeing the half eaten muffin on the table he frowned. "You can have it, if you want." She said wrinkling her nose.

"No thanks." He said, smiling.

Greedily she opened the jar of pickles and fished with two fingers into the jar, pulling out one and sucking it into her mouth, her face turned into a smile as her eyes closed making it difficult for Sam to resist. The rapture on her face was priceless, so giving into the urge he kissed her lightly on the lips, her eyes opened in shock making guilt swell in his chest. He pulled away quickly.

"I'm sorry."

"No…." she whispered, touching her lips. "Please don't be sorry."

"I don't want to rush you or anything."

She nodded and walked closer to him, putting the jar on the table and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him with all the passion in her body. "I was kind of afraid you were mad about the last time."

"Mad? Why?"

"I don't know but you haven't really done anything since we found out."

"I know…. But I don't want to hurt you, you're still fragile."

"Sam…" she said exasperated. "…I'm not fragile, I'm pregnant."

"Yeah, I know."

She hugged him again, not sure what to do, she knew he felt guilt still, knew that both of them were still upset about what happened and passionately searching for the demon. The hunting was what was pulling them apart though, sure they may hang out together but the tension that bubbled around all of them was getting intense now, not even the occasional joking had the ability to ease it. Maybe it was the need to kill, to search, to defend and protect that had created a wall. Then again maybe she was just imagining it in her hormone drenched mind, making up a fight when there wasn't one, she couldn't tell though because of the baby.

"Names." She said, turning to him.

"What?"

"We need to think of names, four months Sam, four months."

He frowned at her, his eyes looking startled and confused. "Four months?"

"The baby!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah… the baby." He flushed red, making Jocelyn think that something serious was on his mind.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah fine." Sam's voice was distracted and quiet.

She was convinced but just then it didn't matter because pain ripped through her lower abdomen, it was sharp pain like something was trying to get out and it spread out from her abdomen to her chest making it difficult to breathe, she doubled over in pain. Sam looked concerned then knelt beside her, rubbing her back.

"Is everything okay? Hon? Jocelyn talk to me!"

"It hurts!" she cried. "I don't know why!"

Sam jumped into action, slamming on the door of the bathroom and yelling inside.

"Dean, Jocelyn's in pain, hospital now!"

"It's nothing." She murmured. 

"It doesn't matter, you're going."

"I don't want to be a bother."

"Oh shut up already." He said.

Outrage flooded through her. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said shut up, we're going…. Now!"

_Two Hours Later_

"I've never seen anything like it."

"What?"

The doctor had an ultra-sound machine pressed to her bare stomach, oblivious to her discomfort of the cold and the pain.

"I don't know, but it appears as though the child is already in late development."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said you were close to sixth months but it appears as though the child is closer to eight or nine, it's like the fetus is on some kind of growth development pill or hormone."

"I haven't been taking anything or eating anything with hormones in it though."

"Are you sure about the time?"

Jocelyn looked at Sam who was staring intently at the screen. "Dead sure."

Something was strange about the child. "So what about the pain?"

"I just don't know." The doctor's voice sounded mystified.

Could the child be affected by the fact that it's father was possessed by a demon? Could the child be a demon?

TBC

I know it's an odd and kind of rushed chapter but I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to get out.

Love you!

REVIEW


End file.
